el guapo update: sold out

as they say in show business, the show must go on. as you may know, my original performance of “the entire indian nation attacks noah and his ark of wild animals” was scheduled for this coming weekend at the prestigious paragraph novels theatre in monaco. unfortunately, the local authorities have informed me that my performance was breaking almost every safety code in the book. so, after cutting several scenes and retooling the entire script, i found that the artistic integrity of the performance was being compromised. in keeping with my true artistic principles, i have decided to move the show to a more suitable venue were the local laws are not as restrictive on scenes featuring hundreds of live farm animals and high explosives. tijuana mexico. although not my first choice, the tiny rusted nail theatre and saloon in tijuana, with it's mexican back alley charm, will actually be a breath of fresh air and allow me the flexibility to incorporate the local thespian talent to which i’m sure is top-notch. i have loosely adapted the script to a local legend of a man known as “el guapo.” the tale is as timeless as the rolling dirt hills of tijuana itself. el guapo enters the scene on a lone mule as if sent by the sun gods as an answer to their prayers. el guapo falls in love with carlita, the beautiful daughter of the town’s dying elder. the elder challenges el guapo’s worthiness by giving him a mission with one simple objective, bomb pearl harbor! el guapo drew up the large scale assault plans using all of the towns forces in elaborate flank maneuvers, bomber runs and missile raids. the plans greatly impressed the elder, but he informed el guapo that the town was very poor and actually had no forces at all. el guapo was given two lamas and all the fireworks he could carry. a celebration was held in the town’s square to see el guapo off the next day. the children laughed and swung sticks at the colorful bull shaped piñatas and the women danced to the sounds of the old men and their spanish guitars. the next morning, the women and children wept as the old men tried fruitlessly to comfort them. el guapo loaded his lamas with the bags of fireworks and bid a fond farewell to the town's peoples. el guapo turned and waved his sombrero as he slowly rode off into the burning mexican sun. the town’s people waited for weeks for any news about el guapo and his mission of glory. the years went by and carlita eventually married a shoemaker and everyone forgot about the man and his firework laden lamas. some say if you’re very quiet, and listen to the winds of the desert, you can still hear the hoof beats of the gallant el guapo riding his lama across the sky, hurling fireworks down over pearl harbor.

we ask that all patrons in the first seven rows wear only nonflammable clothing. please do not attempt eye contact with the animals as they are live and untrained. don't miss it, this performance is scheduled for friday night only as saturday nights are the rusted nail's chicken fight nights.

el guapo! el guapo!

9 comments:

rebecca marie said...

Thank you for your kind reminder of "el guapo el guapo" at my site in my comments section. I purchased my tickets the moment they became available. I'll be the divinely beautiful woman sitting front row center. In order to make no mistake, I'll be wearing a ravishingly red flower behind my right ear. I would appreciate a private aknowledgement of some sort, perhaps a wink or nod halfway through act two?

arrivederci, rebecca marie

rebecca marie said...

Drat!!! I've just received a call from my travel agent. My flight to Monaco has been cancelled! You and I both know the truth though.... The frenzy of paparazzi was just too much for the authorities to handle the last time I flew in to have a game of cards with you. I'll have to find a travel agent who doesn't lie to cover up for the cowardice of law enforcement. Please place a flower in my empty seat as a remembrance.

arrivederce, rebecca marie

rebecca marie said...

Oh, Superfly! I just noticed the change of venue! I've placed a call into my travel agent, he'll see what he can do... Now onto my disguise preparation... Tijuana is one of the three places I cannot be recognized. A girl has to look after her very own safety.

arrivederci, rebecca marie

Anonymous said...

Will there be a plethora of balloons at the post show party? I went to ask the invisible swordsman but, I couldn't find him; I think he may have been shot!! Also that damn singing bush won't shut up long enough to ask him anything!!

I'M BENOIT BEYOTCH!!

rebecca marie said...

The Invisible Swordsman was shot, hmmmm, back in the forties I believe.

tabitha jane said...

or was that the singing bush that was shot?
in any case, sorry i will have to miss this show . . . it sounds basically awesome. unfortunately, i have been called to fill in last minute for Bette Midler in a little production she was planning to do somewhere south of South Africa . . . you understand.

rebecca marie said...

I'd be willing to bet my next paycheck (which I assure you is substantial considering my line of work, that it was, in fact, the Invisible Swordsman who was shot. It was by a film actor, I believe. I may have been wrong about the decade, it may have been in the late teens or perhaps nineteen twenties. I'll have to go into my silent film archives to find out for certain which actor it was, but I'm fairly certain that it wasn't Little Neddie. At any rate, the actor was never arrested for the shooting, as the body was never found.

Perfect Virgo said...

The Rusted Nail Theatre and Saloon is of course a prestigious venue known to connoisseurs of the arts the world over. How apt that you should schedule a performance there my dear Superfly.

You know I will be loosely in the vicinity and may pay my respects so save me a private box in the dress circle there's a good chap. You will warn me if you plan to get out that oiled snake again won’t you? My constitution is still reeling from the last production.

I do hope you have made suitable arrangements for the animals' excreta? If not then I fear your hopes for "a breath of fresh air will be as futile as a chocolate teapot."

Hark, I hear my butler kick-starting the Lear Jet, I must be away. So long for now webpimp extraordinaire.

Lizabeth said...

I'll see what I can do to get there. I camped overnight to get a ticket, its in the 8th row. I don't have to wear flameproof clothing.