the tugboat and thurston gibblet

thurston grabbed the large spoked wheel of the tugboat as the chugging vessel slammed into the side of the empire state building. the jarring impact sent him crashing to the deck and his pet monkey “nicole kidman” screaming up the flagpole. thurston r. gibblet had been working on an experimental machine he had designed to turn air into water, which to his amazement, worked perfectly. he had fastened the motor of an old vacuum onto the brains of a toaster oven, then reversed the electrical currents to flow backwards in a dc/ac configuration, then wired the whole damn thing with magnets. unfortunately, he had painted the banana shaped “on lever” bright yellow, and before he could mount the water limiting governor switch, the monkey had instinctively jumped on the lever like a junky on a crack pipe. it was ten minutes before he could reach the emergency off switch, but by then, over half the earth was under water. thurston was fortunate enough to live next door to an old crusty sea-bastard who had a 1953 tugboat up on blocks. he didn’t have time to check if she was seaworthy, but he soon found out. “nicole kidman!” thurston yelled to the monkey as he franticly dumped buckets of water over the side of the boat, “secure the tow line and tie off the mast!” nicole kidman shook her head yes and jumped overboard. “godamn stupid monkey!” thurston howled as the tugboat grinded along the 37th floor of the empire state building, sending a shower of sparks into the air. “what the hell do you think your doing!” jimmy’s dad yelled in astonishment as he stepped into the puddle of water on the bathroom floor. “you do not pour water on the floor young man! now you get out of the bath right now mister!” jimmy frowned as he sat in the tub holding his plastic monkey, “well thank you nicole kidman!”

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